so maybe..

I really should use my fiction tag a lot more.

I keep saying this, and goddess above.. I really do want to. If I can make a living out of this writing lark, maybe I can make a living out of the whole writing fiction thing. Big dreams, I know.. Especially considering my (lack of) drive when it comes down to sitting down and writing things out.

Alas, I am rather horrible at keeping this particular promise of writing fiction.. Because there's just so many talented writers in the world, and I'm honestly not all that confident.. I'm internet-appropriate, but I don't think I'm publishing-appropriate, you dig?

Oh woe.

(And I hear a chorus of "Shut up Mousey, grow a pair and just do it. Stop talking about it. If you're shit then you're shit, but you haven't even tried." coming from friends who are sick and tired of me looking longingly at pretty books, and wishing that one day one of them will have my name emblazoned across it in sparkly pink letters. Because I'm just classy like that.)

Caramel and whiskey.

There's something magical about soft, dull, grey drenched days.

You can't help but think that something is about to happen. Any moment now. There's something simmering under the crusts of the earth and it's going to amaze everybody.. Any moment now.

Of course nothing ever really happens.

No zombie will ever crawl towards me as I shuffle miserably to my car after a particularly grueling day at work at 2 am. No army of werewolves will howl at the moon when it looks particularly delicious, all round and golden and beautiful. And no faery will whisper in my ear, luring me to their secret mound where I shall have to resist the temptation of dewdrops and exotic looking food.

I know that Narnia isn't behind a cupboard door, no matter how many times I gleefully try to sneak inside one. I understand that no matter how pretty rose petals look, or how fragrant crushed mint leaves smell - they have no magical property whatsoever, and magic spells don't exist (and anyway, spells need far more exotic ingredients. Rose petals and mint leaves are way too common!). I realize that my car won't speak to me, even if I coax it and name it and coo at it.

Yes. I do read too many books and watch too much TV and replay movies much too often.

But if nothing else, books have taught me that anything and everything is possible. Even if it's just inside my head.

Because I understand that caramel and whiskey is a terrible combination, but the taste that lingers seems to overpower just about everything else.

Dream on darling

Today I went to the European Higher Education Fair held at Balai Kartini. Oh oh oh.. My whole body aches with the sheer force of WANT that slammed into my chest.

I've been thinking about applying for a master's degree for a while now (yes even before I graduated my from my bachelor degree).. And attending the fair made me want it just that much more.

BUT.

Work. Oh I do so love my work. So. I'm putting education on hold just for a little while. Soon enough I'll get back to it, but for now I'm working hard, saving up, and I'm going to do some proper planning.

But I'm dreaming on, I really am. I'm keeping it close to my heart and I'm feeding logs to the fire, to keep the fire burning.