Choices

If you lived two lives, not quite understanding which is real.. which would you pick?

- A perfect world with everything you ever wanted within reach, with loved ones expecting nothing from you but your continued happiness or..
- A world where you had to fight for everything, and your failure will result in their suffering..?

Hang on.. I'm not done yet, don't make your mind up yet.

Keep in mind you have to pick one, and in picking one.. you will have to leave the other completely, disappointing the people you leave behind.

Remember - you don't know which world is real.

Yes, I've been watching/reading/thinking too much of scifi and fantasy stuff.

And the mindfuck is supremely delicious.

hum ho, here it is again.

Dear Person,

I feel stupid for writing a letter to you, as it is quite obvious to even the the stupidest person that you will never read this stupid letter. And even if you do, I think it's pretty obvious that you'd think I was being stupid.

Stupidity aside..

You were absolutely right. You were right about things I wish you weren't right about, and you were right about things that I thought you got wrong, but time has eventually revealed that you were right about.. we.. everything, all along. It's really quite annoying the number of times you've been proven right, and the number of times you could have said 'I told you so'. Oh Person, I'm glad you're not (really) the gloating type.

So.

Person, you really are quite swell. Oh you're not perfect, there's a million and one things that piss me off that I wish I could tell you about.. But you know that that just isn't possible. And anyway, you really are quite fine the way you are.

But that's not what this entry is about. Oh no.

Here it is in a nutshell.. You were right, and I was wrong. And the number of times this has happened may have made me quite frustrated and quite unable to seek second opinions.

BUT.

Ah here's the but..

BUT.. I think I'm good now. I mean, obviously The Matter Which We Discussed has not been solved yet, but yesterday I found myself knocking on a door to ask about The Matter Which We Discussed for a second opinion. There was no one home unfortunately, but nevertheless I knocked.

And I felt good about knocking. I may knock on more doors in the coming weeks.

I would like to say that I can knock now, and I shan't rely on your sole opinion (important thought it is), rest easy, Person.

I'm quite alright.

So it's done..

My under-grad thesis is done, it's been tried and tested. I graduate with a shiny 'A'.

Thank you all and sundry :)

people peeple pepple

Maybe it's time to lay down the title of 'Awkward Fucker'. No. Not as in a sexual fuck, but as in 'person'.

Let me explain.. The thing is, I'm not as chatty in real life, nor as eloquent (if you can consider my blog eloquent), nor as witty (please, just humor me :p).. I've been known to fumble my way through social situations, babble incoherently at strangers and sometimes I just smile, cock my head to the side and pretend like I know what's going on. Hence 'Awkward Fucker'. I try to avoid meeting new people unless I have to and when I stumble into things.. I'm.. well.. Awkward. With a capital A.

Was.

Sort of.

I'm not suddenly a social butterfly, but I think I've gotten better. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but these days I enjoy meeting new people. LE GASP. Maybe it's experience, maybe it's my job (which forces me to communicate well with strangers), or maybe I'm finally maturing into one of those people who can talk to other people without wanting to puke, like.. you know.. NORMAL people.

I hear normal people socialize without wanting to run and hide away in a cave somewhere.

I think I'm turning 'normal'. Mwaha.

I'm liking this (somewhat) recent development. Fingers crossed it's not just a phase. Because really - people aren't so bad. (Especially if they've been selected by my trusted friends, and I've been told they were exceptionally fun. And so far, none of my friends have failed me and introduced me to a freak who wants to sniff my cat and pee in my garden.)

Oh. And by 'meeting people' I don't mean for romantic purposes.. Just.. meeting people in general..!

The long dark tea time of the soul..

I've recently encountered problems in my professional life, one which I had taken for granted I would never have met, considering the awesomeness of my immediate work-buddies.

They're a fabulous bunch, and I really was fond of every one. Which I've been told is a rare thing to happen in an office.

Not to say that everything was perfect, but the people.. the people were fantastic.

A couple of posts ago I lamented the fact that a few of them were leaving, albeit obscurely.. but yes. I wasn't happy. Then new people came into the office and balance was restored. Before a horrible storm brewed up and these people were taken away from me again. Which truth be told, pissed me off a lot, hence the long dark tea time of the soul which resulted in posts which were not to my usual standard of happy, chirpy, cheery posts.

I can't say that things are better, not by far (if anything it's getting worse).. But I can say I've made up my mind not to let it bother me anymore than it already has.

And hey, there are things going for me now which make me really happy.

So I shan't complain anymore.

Just wanted to drop by to say that.

--- end Long Dark Tea Time Of The Soul ---

Hearts a-crying.

It was raining five minutes ago.

18 floors up it looked like Jakarta had been gassed. A misty cloud obscures the streets from view while unforgiving pellets shoot at the window, making everything that little bit harder to see. Now.. Now the sky is dull, like a white wall that's seen too many childish hands.

Uncomfortable, unsettled and extremely uninspired.

Or maybe that's just me, projecting my moods.

It's cold and I'm tired.

Grey.. Tired and wired and mean..*

*The Weepies - "Gotta Have You"

Subtext! I LOVE subtext! Mostly because I never quite seem to be able to say what I mean.

Picked the song because that line basically represents how I'm feeling at the moment. Exhaustion is.. Ever present, and it doesn't look like it's going to go away anytime soon. Lesigh.

My job is as ever.. Tiring. Sometimes a good kind of tired, and sometimes the thought of collapsing on my bed is the only thing keeping me going. Ho humm. Such is life I guess. Ups and downs, and the hula-hoop goes 'round and 'round.

Red eyes and fire and signs,

I'm taken by a nursery rhyme,

I want to make a ray of sunshine, and never leave home..

Wish I could stay home. For a while longer. But.. Meh. I've met a lot of wonderful people, and I've learnt so much, so I shan't complain.

Anyways. What about that Ariel and Luna Maya and Cut Tari sex vids, eh?