so maybe..

I really should use my fiction tag a lot more.

I keep saying this, and goddess above.. I really do want to. If I can make a living out of this writing lark, maybe I can make a living out of the whole writing fiction thing. Big dreams, I know.. Especially considering my (lack of) drive when it comes down to sitting down and writing things out.

Alas, I am rather horrible at keeping this particular promise of writing fiction.. Because there's just so many talented writers in the world, and I'm honestly not all that confident.. I'm internet-appropriate, but I don't think I'm publishing-appropriate, you dig?

Oh woe.

(And I hear a chorus of "Shut up Mousey, grow a pair and just do it. Stop talking about it. If you're shit then you're shit, but you haven't even tried." coming from friends who are sick and tired of me looking longingly at pretty books, and wishing that one day one of them will have my name emblazoned across it in sparkly pink letters. Because I'm just classy like that.)

contemplation is overrated.

There are times when I want to make this blog less personal, and a little more themed. There are times when I feel like I should take it a little more seriously, and maybe make it sound a little less frivolous. And there are times when I think I should write more eloquently.

But then I remember that I don't blog for anyone, and being silly is kinda my 'thing', and really this blog is just another form of me remembering my life, and my life is basically silly and frivolous. And I'm okay with that.


A random midnight musing, after an hour or so of watching Shinhwa Broadcast feat. Super Junior. Holy crap, Korean variety shows crack me up. And honestly, Shinhwa + Super Junior = MAGIC.

Sleep now! Adieu, adieu.. For alas, tomorrow is a busy day. I have a foot massage planned. And also a book I must finish! Oh my. Fingers crossed I won't be too tired by the end of it all.

worker bee blues

I haven't been happy about work since last year, and I don't think much has improved since I quit my last job and got into this whole freelance-lark. It's a bit hard to admit, since I do so adore writing, and I wouldn't trade the chance to write for a living for anything in the world.

At first I thought it was because I was working in the media, but if I think carefully - working in the media has been a fun and rewarding experience. I've met so many (no other words for it) awesome people, and have tried my hands at so many things I never thought I'd do, and ended up enjoying the experience.. well 90% of it. Which I think is a pretty good percentage, considering how many of my own friends have hated their first jobs and opting out of their chosen trade within months of starting it.

I like styling. I got to meddle in interior design and artsy-fartsy stuff, which honestly was heaven for me. And most important still - I got to write.

Quitting my job was a hard decision, especially as technically I had fun, and enjoyed the process.. but I was getting dragged down by certain persons who made my working experience not enjoyable. I thought working freelance jobs might work out well for me, but not really. I get to choose my jobs, sure.. But it's just not as fun. I don't think I'm cut out for this whole 'working on my own' thing. I prefer being in the company of other people. (I know. Say it ain't so! But I swear this is really me talking, it's weird.)

So now I'm looking around, and trying to dip my toes in something else. Something that's a bit related to my degree perhaps?

But the media world has been knocking on my door again.

Even though I said I'd never go back, and I feel like I'll be eating my own shit if I go back.. Seriously. Siren calls. I know how comfortable it is working in a magazine, and if the support system promised is actually there - it will be glorious.

Argh.

...

Reading back this post - it looks terrible and barely coherent. But I honestly don't have the energy to edit anything right now. Ah well. You'll have to bear with it.

unexpected

So I have an Evil Twin. Well. Sort of. He likes to think that I'm the evil one, but really, I'm not. He totally is.

He's a dude I met right at the start of uni, and we hit it off straight away, because basically - we liked making fun of people and being snarky. So yes, we decided that we're practically twins because we had a shitload in common, and zero attraction to one another. Probably because he thinks that I'm "a cool dude with long hair." - his exact words. Repeated so many times over the years that I'm starting to believe it myself.

Cue years of making fun of other people, making fun of each other, and occasional petty comments which may or not may not have resulted in incredibly childish name-calling tournaments.

For the past three years or so though, I've only seen Sir Twinno something like once a year. Usually on his birthdays. And that's only because he has an awesome girlfriend who usually rounds up all his friends for his birthdays (alas, even when I had boyfriends, they were sorry excuses for human beings.).. Work, traffic jams and other lame excuses have sort of been getting in the way of our friendships. Even the phone calls have dwindled down in frequency over time. Mostly because he was just a phone call away. An easy enough distance to cover, no?

Well, not for the next year or so. Because today I drove to the airport to send him off to Scotland. To nom on haggis. Uh.. I meant to continue his studies. Bastard. And I say that with affection.

I'm not big on tears, and I wasn't expecting to be that sad over his leaving, because if you think about it, next time I see him it'll be a year (or so) from now, and it's exactly what would have happened if he had stayed. See him once this year, and then again next year. But it sucks. Because the option of calling him up whenever I want has suddenly disappeared.

I have not used my time wisely. We should have hung out more often. Because hey, if you have a friend who understands your need to bitch and not be a Nice Person all the time (even if that means sometimes getting seriously insulted and angry sometimes), you should appreciate them.

And okay, part of it is maybe because I may have been contemplating my friendships a lot lately. Especially considering the way some people have unexpectedly disappeared from my life. So yeah, I'm feeling a little sad over some friendships that I feel I could have 'saved' if only I had made more of an effort.

Ah well, that's another topic for another day though. This one is for Sir Twinno.

So here's to my Evil Twin. May you do well in your studies, and I hope you don't piss off too many people. Come home soon, and we'll bitch about the table across from us. Because you know we'll find something to cackle about.

hullo there~

"sometimes i just remember that i haven’t actually met my internet friends in real life and they live thousands of miles away. and that they actually have a house and a family and go to school or college and they do stuff and they exist not on the internet and then i realise how fragile our friendship is

like they could just get bored and never log on again and that would be it"

Originally found during a random trek through tumblr..

I can't help but wonder where some of them are. It's easy enough to just write them off as random usernames, or even figments of my sometimes over active imaginations. That is, if I had no visible evidence of their existence.

I have a half finished novel still stored in my computer from a guy I only know as 'Matt the Pony Guy', a nickname I bestowed on a random Australian who amused me. A collection of poems and a wedding invitation from a girl in Africa who goes by the nick Svitgurl. Stories posted online with me as the beta (editor) or my stories getting beta-d by other random nicknames. A folder of pictures of this random beardy guy I've gotten to know (HA! Hello A!). A copy of The Davinci Code (don't judge, I wanted this book. And it will forever have a special place in my heart because of who gave it to me), and some other mangas that err.. umm.. would be better left unmentioned. And of course a coffee date with the lovely Colson, who Calvin and Jo and I like to refer to as opa. And songs.

God, I have so many songs in all sorts of languages, that I vaguely remember getting from these awesome people. (Ich find Dich Scheisse is still by far my favourite. Thanks.. Ehh.. Corn? Or was it you low_? Neithan-kun maybe?)

You don't think about how fragile these friendships formed online can be.. If anything were to happen to me, I don't think anyone would ever have the thought of 'oh hey I should tell these people on Mouse's address book that she's no longer available to reply to their emails.'.. Which makes me sad, because I don't value these friendships any less when compared to people I regularly meet and chat with. And it goes both ways I suppose. I don't know what happened to so many of the people I've come across in the years since I've started using teh interwebz.

I guess this post is a 'hello' to anyone who might have known me. A weird, virtual hat-tip to all the strangers who made the internet such a wonderful, addicting place for me. Oh silly anonymous people, how you've all changed my life in some way or another. Sometimes I think it's weird that I miss some of these people more than I do people I've actually met and gone to school with. But then again, people I've gone to school with left me with a shit load of anger issues. Ha!

So.

Hey internet, you wonderful thing. Here's a message. It'd be nice if you could get it delivered for us.

Dear Ashgard and Sphyra, our lovely lovely duckies. 

We do miss you terribly. Mouse still has her old email address, Quincey too. It'd be nice if we could talk again one of these days. Like I said - we miss you terribly. We have proper internet connection now! So we won't make you leech stuff for us anymore :p

Quincey is getting married! Did you ever think you'd see the day? Ha! And Mousey really wishes she could send you birthday presents, like you did for her. There's still a wrapped-up unsent DVD waiting for an address in her cupboard. :')

Much love, Mousey and Quincey.