gathering dust

Humour me for a second and forget that mp3s have taken over our lives, and lets pretend for a moment that you still frequent your local music store to buy albums, as opposed to clicking 'purchase' on iTunes, or wherever you get your music from these days. Humour me for a moment.

Everyone has that one favourite CD that they used to play on loop. It may come with a sticker on it's shiny plastic cover, proclaiming bonus tracks, or posters. Or in some cases - 'buy one get one free!'. The cover probably isn't all that shiny anymore, the plastic probably scratched and worn, cracks from careless storage crushing the flimsy covering.. But you don't mind because the memories that go with it are just so fantastic, and anyway - the CD plays just fine. (Or maybe you do mind, you anal bastard. But I'm ignoring you lot for now.)

You know that as soon as the first tune plays you'll be singing along, vague smile gracing your face and for a moment you're somewhere else. Down the highway, cruising with the windows down and the wind messing up your previously perfect hair. In your room, tears running down your face, pillow in hand, and your constantly vibrating phone sitting ignored in the corner. Next to your best friend, hands clasped tight and voice hoarse from the screaming because the vocalist is so hot, and watching them live is worth skipping meals for.

Once upon a time, it was all you played. You know every song, and the order it comes in, and you're already anticipating the next song.

But today.. The case is cracked, and the CD worn. The songs skip or gets stuck, the scratches did their damage. So now it sits quietly in corner, gathering dust.

Some items just aren't meant to last forever. I don't have the heart to throw it out just yet, but when there isn't any more space left in my cluttered room, I'll say goodbye.

And some friendships just aren't meant to stand the test of time. I'll always root for you, and I'll always wish you the best. Maybe it's a telling sign that our memories are better conversation material than our current lives.

happy (?) eid

So Ramadhan came and went, so have Eid.

I used to be excited over Eid. This year.. Not so.

This is getting to be a horrible trend. What with me not being all bubbly and happy over my birthday earlier this year (having said that, I had a smashing time getting.. well.. smashed.), and then not gleefully counting the days to my holidays. Now Eid is sort of just.. blah.. for me. I hope Christmas and New Year's will somehow revive my silly, giddy ways.

I don't think it's a sign of me getting older.. I don't think. I hope not.

I just need to get fired up over something again.

silly

I have work, but instead I'm reading a shitload of things I should not be reading, knowing full well that my emotions are rather easily swayed and unstable when it comes to well written prose and angst. Because holy crap, when the hurt is good, and I feel like crying - all is well with the world.

My weakness for fiction will someday be my undoing.

I like happy stories, I like fluff - the easy (love) stories which flows without much resistance, I like it when a story feels like a perfect summer day - just warm enough to leave you with the fuzzies.. But when something leaves me shaking and torn and so utterly forlorn.. *fans self* I love sad stories. I really do. Angry stories too. I like, like, love. I love unresolved endings, characters left wondering, with closure being a vague concept for silly people who can't handle the hurt, and wanting to slam my laptop because you can't do this to me! What happens next!? Stories left not quite finished.

This is probably why I spend too much time on the internet.

I must stop reading. Work awaits.

Fuck work, I need more stories.

hum ho

I've often made fun of people who dramatically deactivate their facebook and/or twitter account for any reason. I think maybe I should apologize to some of them.

No, it's not a permanent thing.. And maybe this is a bit melodramatic on my part, but I think it would be best if I stayed away for a while. What you don't know can't hurt you, and what you don't read won't make you want to punch somebody's face in, all the while screaming "WHY!?"

It's a little silly, and entirely too late, all things considered. But hey, if other people can be a calculating bastard, then I can too.

Someday I'll return to facebook and twitter, but till then..

Adieu, adieu~

I don’t have trust issues!

.. I just have issues.

Aha. Ahaha. Ahahaha.

Today’s random musing is brought to you by a random rant-y journal entry from back in 2006 when an ex of mine pointed out that I have trust issues, and I got really pissy. I don’t, by the way. Not more so than the average person, imho..

People form their opinions and perceptions of you based on the most random things, and you form your own opinion of what YOU are like based on the way you want to be seen.

I think I’m geeky, very bookish, and somewhat shy. This is because I think geeks are cool, words mean the world to me, and people scare me. But I’ve been told that although I have many interests that could be classed as ‘geeky’, I am in fact – not really all that geeky. The bookish thing people pick up on quickly enough, as I usually have a few books lying around, and I really am obsessed with words (English words to be precise..).. But the ‘somewhat shy’ bit makes people laugh. At my face. Loudly and obnoxiously.

Somewhere along the way, I’ve found it easier to talk to strangers, although they still terrify me. I can do the whole ‘small talk’ thing no probs, and my smiling-like-a-serial-killer-whenever-introduced-to-new-people thing has all but dissapeared. I attribute these changes to my super cool friends who like to drag me out to meet THEIR super cool friends. Although I still get anxious, and awkward, I guess ‘somewhat shy’ needs to be struck out of the list of words I currently use to describe myself.

Changing my own perceptions about myself is one hell of a difficult thing to do though, I have so many hang ups on things I thought were ‘not cool’ but it turns out I have to do them today, or now that I have become That-Person-I-Would-Have-Avoided-A-Million-Years-Ago, it’s a bit hard to say to myself ‘it’s okay, you’re still you..!’. As hard as it is to slap myself awake, trying to change other people’s perception of me is double-y hard. In fact, double it, square it, and times it by a million, and you’re still nowhere near close to how hard it is. Especially amongst people who grew up with me. People who saw me at my worst, and at my best, and think that they know – at heart – what I’m like.

I think I’ve all but given up on pointing out to cerain people that I’m not an opinionated 18 year old anymore (still opinionated, but not 18.. So should maybe hopefully kinda maybe know better..)

So.. Trust issues? This doesn’t seem to have much to do with the post, and truthfully – it doesn’t.. The random observation from the past triggered an hour long contemplation (in the toilet no less), and I’ve concluded the one thing that remains true from back then till now is – I don’t give a flying f***. 

;P

So. Feckin'. Tired.

I think I'm starting to develop this bad habit of enjoying my job just a little too much.

I'm swamped. I run around all day, calling people up, setting up interviews, setting up photoshoots, looking up prices, looking for stock photos.. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

An (un..?)fortunate side effect is I've begun to have favourite.. things. Chairs, lamps, designers.. etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. It feels quite bizarre to be walking along and then suddenly coo at tiles. I coo. At tiles. I'll say it again - I coo at tiles.

This may be my exhaustion taking over me, but I just can't stop laughing at this fact..!

And this.. this is my favouritest most favourite chair. I want one so bad..!

Eames Eiffel Plastic Armchair.

But this being tired thing is ridiculous. I have no time for anything.. And it's stand-up comedy DVD season! I MUST FIND SOME STAND UP DVDs SOON!

Maybe it's because I'm a n00b..

But I quite enjoy the routine I've gotten into, what with waking up early, going to work, coming home and then sleeping at midnight.

I'm enjoying my tiny cubicle and the work I'm given.. Which is weird, because it's work my friends have given to me all through university - translating stuff. Maybe it's because I get paid with money instead of favours. Maybe it's the stuff I'm translating.. Because honestly, just about anything beats the pain of translating English texts to Indonesian on the subject of *legasp* politics.

I'm kinda shocked I got the job actually, I know next to nothing about the stuff that's in the magazines I'm working on (hint, Colson! Hint! Hahaha.) and I thought I did a shit job at my translating test when I was being interviewed, as English is a pretty language, while my grasp of Indonesian is sketchy at best. Hehehe. Well. Here's to improving my Indonesian, more photography work (please, please, please!) and my tiny cubicle!

On facebook, netiquette and parental supervision

Rule number one of the internet : Never talk about the internet.

Oh hang on.. Sorry. I was thinking of Fight Club there for a second.

The internet. It's a wonderful place, yes? Full of information and possibilities and people. Oh I know there are plenty of bots around, but people.. People make the internet a wonderful place to explore. It also makes it oh-so-dangerous.

Rule number one of the internet : Be sensible.

There's been a couple of stories on the news lately of teenage girls going missing after meeting up with people they've met on the internet. While it is a worrying thing - the internet isn't to blame. Specifically - facebook isn't to blame.

I've been on the internet for more than 10 years now, I'm healthy, (sort of) sane and pretty much in one piece. No, I didn't really have parental supervision when I started out - mostly because I sneaked on when my parents weren't looking. When they did realize I've been using the computer for things like chatting and surfing however, they told me one thing : be sensible. Don't give out personal information. Don't be an idiot.

I realize with things like facebook and myspace and friendster and hi5 and all those other social-networking sites, you do end up giving out personal information. Things like your name, and maybe place of work and/or school - but you really don't have to fill all the spaces provided. You can omit those details and no one is likely to complain. they can always message you if they need to contact you.

And yes, I know you can meet people on the internet. I, myself have been lucky enough to have met some really wonderful people. It's not likely I'll ever meet any of them, sure.. but I have received packages - expected and unexpected - from them. Gifts that I treasure and keep in a special place. And if I ever do decide to meet any of them.. Well I'm going to be sensible.

Is it too much if I say that it's common sense that if you're going to meet up with someone you have never met before, you go to a public place? Filled with people and preferably somewhere familiar to both parties. Go with other people, bring at least two or three friends along.. And for God's sake, don't go anywhere "private" with them! Not to a quiter place, and definitely not to their cars!

Yes, I know it was horrible that these girls went missing, and yes I suppose I am selfish for saying this. But I do hope those few idiots doesn't ruin the internet for everyone else.

Our government right now is at a place where they're likely to do anything to make sure they stay in the good graces of the public. And while many would be outraged at the possibility of over-policing the internet, I fear many more will cry out that certain sites just be banned outright.

Maybe netiquette should be made part of the curriculum in school.

Or better yet - teach common sense.

It seems that most of the problems in Indonesia could be solved with just a little bit of common sense. *sigh*

Oh my God, I had a writing journal..!

A long time ago, I was very big into writing. I wrote on every scrap of paper I found.. and at one point it was all I wanted to do. I wanted to be a professional writer. These days.. not so much.

I love writing.. I really, really do.. But I don't think I'll ever be as awesome as Calvin who managed to get published (and will repeat the awesomeness soon..?), or be as eloquent as Meethz, or as imaginative as Quincey. Lucky for me, I count these people as close friends and I can bask in their awesomeness and grin.

No, this post isn't about me feeling sorry for myself..

I once had a writing journal. The front of the book was full of prompt words and situations, short excerpts and a target number of words, and the back.. was empty except for one entry titled 'Do You Understand'. I don't remember writing it (I never remember my own writing, I'm even amazed at school assignments I completed when I came across them..), and I see a lot of things I wanted to tweak.. but I was strangely proud of myself. Well.. of the 'me' that wrote it. It made me go immediately on a quest to find a pen, so I can scribble some more.

I once had a chat with Quincey about where our passion for writing went, and how much we missed it. Well, I'm going to see if I can get it back. So here's a project I'm setting up for myself.. One piece every fortnight. I'm going to write a short piece and post it on the net.. somewhere. I'm too embarrassed to share the link, but I might.. someday.

Wish me luck.

Apathy vs. .. Whatever it is I'm feeling at the moment.

I'm at a strange point in my life where I feel that most of everything I think should be kept private. Half because I know nothing of the world, and half because - whatever I say will only add fuel to the fire (I see lots of clashing opinions around me, lately. - That's what happens when you surround yourself with opinionated people.)

I wouldn't say I'm being apathetic, I'm just.. careful.

I realize I spew a lot of bs, a lot of the times. But as long as they're confined to voicing my own personal thoughts (on ice cream, books, and other such trivial matters) and/or to how I view myself.. Then I figure I'm not pissing people off.

And maybe that's partly because I hate seeing people get riled up. Especially my elders. They have heart problems. (Haha..!)

But yes.. I'm not detaching myself from the world, I'm feeling joy and sadness and pain and (lots of) anger, but unless it's about trivial matters, I just don't see the point of being mouthy. One day maybe.. When I'm in a position to make a change. But for now.. As a student (who should have graduated ages ago), who is barely legal (I still consider 23 as barely legal, yes.), and as a person who still has much to learn from the world.. I'm going to try to keep my cool and keep my bs to a minimum.

...

Talking of graduation.. I really should do that. Soon. I need a job. There's been an onslaught of books I want lately. The list just keeps getting longer. *sigh*

Pumped up!

Once upon a time, I was really envious of my super artsy MUMandDADandBROTHER, who all seemed to be able to wield a paintbrush like whoa.

I was of course shit at art.

Or so I thought.

I'm no expert, but I'm damned pleased of the stuff I have. They're always sketchy, because I have no patience. They're always vague, because I have no patience. And I always have at least 5 copies of whatever it is I'm working on, shredded and haphazardly thrown in the bin, because strangely enough (for someone who really does have little to no patience).. I'm a perfectionist. I hatehatehate smudges.

And when you work best with ballpoint pens, pastels and chalks - well. Sucks to be you (or more precisely.. me)

It's been a while since I touched the stuff, and that's probably because I have really really awesome friends who are so much better at the arts than me. But I pick it up again every few months before letting it lie dormant again for some time.

ANYWAY.

What I'm trying to say is : I'm gonna try to fire up my scanner *soon* so I can post some of my sketches up. 'Cause really - why should my photos get all the glory??

Jakarta, Indonesia : A Guide

I've been reading travel-logs of random backpackers who found themselves stranded and confused in Jakarta. Aaaaand I can't help but think they were idiots. I'm trying not to generalize and label every one of them as 'idiots who didn't do proper research', but the truth is.. they are. And it's making my beloved city look bad.

Top things they complain about:
1. Sanitation
2. Price of things
3. "Friendliness" of the people
4. Public transport
5. Places to visit/see (or lack of)

Here's a little info about Jakarta which should explain things a bit.

1. Sanitation
Yes, rats and cockroaches roam freely and rather brutally. The rats are so huge, sometimes they're bigger than the cats. And roaches have a tendency to fly *towards* you rather than the other way around.

This is why it's better to spend a bit more rather than a little less. $5 can make a difference between you shivering in disgust as you step into a bathroom with no running hot water, and you showering peacefully without bugs around you. And the area which you pick is also important. Try to get in touch with people who have either visited Jakarta for a long period of time, or have actually lived there. They're not exactly hard to find.

Food poisoning also is a big issue with foreigners.. You guys have really weak stomachs. (You don't eat half the trash I shovel down my mouth. Seriously.) Wash your hands before and after you eat, bring wet wipes - they're your best friend. If you run out - buy more. This might not help much when you're faces with questionable cubes of ice served to you as you order a cold drink, but they at least give you control over something.

If it's not at a big restaurant - wipe the spoons and forks you've been provided with, with a tissue. Wipe thoroughly. It's not rude - we do it too. If you still find yourself bent over a toilet puking your insides, or scrunching up your face tightly, howling rude words as you're sitting on the toilet - well this thing called Norit really works. If it gets worse -just go see a doctor.

2. Price of things
Again, you need to do your research.

Housing - Certain areas of Jakarta have a reputation of being "cheap" which is not necessarily good. If you want cheap places to stay and (relatively) cheap places to eat with (relatively) clean sanitation - flock towards the areas where universities are located in. Students = reasonably priced housing and food. In fact that probably applies to more places rather than just Jakarta.

Shopping for clothes - If you shop in malls, you will have to pay the expected price. ITCs are different, they're like a second grade mall, where you can still bargain with certain shop keepers. I forgot what they stand for, but the big blue letters usually stand out and can be easily seen. But again - you get what you pay for, unless you have an eye for a bargain.

Food prices between supermarkets usually only differ slightly.

3. "Friendliness" of the people
Look around with a dumb expression on you face and you will get taken advantage of. It's common sense. Be confident even while you're asking questions but be careful not to get confrontational.

But Indonesians are friendly by nature, and if you look like a foreigner, most will be fascinated and will ask questions. And chances are, you will receive the help you need in finding your way around the city. But for God's sake, use your common sense - if they look like thugs, it's safer to avoid them rather than keeping your fingers crossed that they're nice on the inside.

Ladies, if you walk alone at night and you obviously look like a tourist - people *will* harass you. Keep your exploring hours reasonable. If you find yourself out late and you're uncomfortable at the stares you're attracting, grab a taxi. If you can't find one - call for one. The numbers are easy to google, write it down and keep it in a convenient place.

4. Public transport
Buses are horrendous creations that should be abolished. Seriously. Avoid the orange death traps like the plague. If you're a tourist and you're not sure how these work here's a little explanation : Jump in when you need to, jump out when it's time. Yes. Jump.

Fine, maybe I'm exaggerating a little because I hate those ugly and hateful contraptions with a passion. But seriously - I don't recommend them. Ojeks are motorcycles - you ride shotgun. You can bargain the price with the drivers. I hate them too. (motorcycles in general - they weave in and out of the traffics like rodents.)

Busways are what the civilized buses are called. These will get you to lots of places, and they're cheap.

If in doubt - a taxi is always a safe bet. Bluebird is supposed to be the trusted brand which will deliver you safely to your destination. Gamya I know is pretty good. But there's a lot of alternatives. "Tarif bawah" means "cheap", but I've been told not to take the risk.

5. Places to visit/see (or lack of)
Jakarta is *huge*. Seriously. I live in the east of Jakarta and if you tell me I should go over to.. say the west to visit something - I'll probably go "Meh. No thanks." and go back to sleep. The traffic is horrific at rush hour, and there are roads that are specifically designed to piss you off.

Having said that - there's a lot of things to see. You just need to do your research.

What are you into? Museums? Which ones? Write them down, write the addresses down and plot it out on google map to see how far away they are from each other. Visit in clusters.

Arts and crafts? This new place has just opened up called SMESCO. It basically showcases Indonesian arts and crafts. You can buy stuff as it's really a huge shop, but you can also just visit to ooh and aah at the huge selection of things in there. Batiks, wood carvings, jewellery, furniture, tenun, whatever- if it's handmade, it's probably in there somewhere. And since it's airconditioned - you don't have to worry about the heat.

I highly recommend you just going around Jakarta to just eat. There's a good food guide you can purchase at any local book store that's worth reading. Again - visit in clusters. If you find something worth visiting on the other side of town - leave it to tomorrow.

Driving around Jakarta at night is actually pretty pleasant, but yeah.. It gets confusing to people who aren't used to it. Hell I've lived here for a little over 10 years and I still grab my phone in panic as I loose my way.

Bottom line?
If you want to visit Indonesia - why the f*ck are you in Jakarta? It's a good place to live in and fantastic to visit when there are art festivals or music festivals - but really. Jakarta? As a holiday destination? There's hundreds of cities (and towns and villages..) to visit in Jawa, so why Jakarta?

But if you have to be here? Grab a local.

Or you know - do the sensible thing. Research. And don't be such a dumbass.. Use your common sense.

The wit of stick-people

http://xkcd.com/635/

Brought to you, by the peeps over at xkcd. Hahaha.

I'm sorry, this one just made me laugh so hard. No offense to all the people out there who write such blogs, as I do read them occasionally (aka when I feel like I should raise my IQ points up a few. Which is.. rarely, as I'm a lazybum).. But yeah.

I know most people don't think they'll be hand-picked to reform the way things are because of their blogs, but write them out of pure frustration and disbelieve at what their (or other people's) governments are doing. Kudos to them for being eloquent enough to state their thoughts beautifully.

So don't start bashing me.

I usually avoid blogs that heavily rely on political-talk in general as sometimes when I read them I *personally* feel like I'm basically flailing at the world, helpless to change it yet adamant that my voice be heard.

Then again, there are cases of ordinary people in history whose extraordinary voices changed the world.. I just realize I wont be one. Hahaha.

(Again no offense meant, as I count some political blog writers as good friends.)

Unbelievably sentimental

(Yes. The picture above is of my inbox - Everything is neatly sorted into folders. 'Cause that's how I roll.)

I'm one of those people who have to work hard at getting rid of clutter, I'd be convinced I'd need something for.. whatever reason it is I've convinced myself I'd need stuff for. I'll eventually throw stuff out, but it does take me a while to come to that decision!.. but I never throw cards and letters away.

The habit has sort of been continued to email, which I have mixed feelings about. On the one hand - unlimited space! No real life clutter! But.. I've lost so many emails from my bestest friends because I forgot to log in to my hotmail account after I switched over to yahoo. It's still an annoying itch I can't scratch when I'm reminded of the hundreds of lost correspondence. I've learnt my lesson! - I print them out these days.

But yeah.. Its icky when I remember the lost letters, because every few years I like to dig these up and read them over. Its a bittersweet experience, a roller-coaster ride of memories and emotions.

I don't exactly know what changed, but I seem to hardly ever write letters and emails anymore. Its possibly because I can always just text the people I want to contact, or chat online with them, or twitter them a message, or even send a short note on facebook.. The possibilities are endless. But I do miss taking the time out to compose a long letter, sometimes just rambling about the most random subjects and waiting excitedly for a reply.

I make such a fuss over this probably because I like having a record of my life on paper. Or at least some sort media which I can look over any time I want.

This is possibly also why I have a stack of journals I hide, as well as this online record.

Guidance

"How despicably have I acted!' she cried. - 'I, who have prided myself on my discernment! - I, who have valued myself on my abilities!"

- Elizabeth Bennet, chapter 36
Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

Ms. Austen's book is a much loved book, I may be a book-whore, but I have to admit the only one undergoing special treatment is this one particular title. The photo above is my own dog-eared copy of Pride and Prejudice. Well, one of them anyway - the first one in fact. I have since collected 3 others, and I plan on collecting more. I love having the many different covers from this wonderful book, so I do like to keep my eyes open. Though I must confess I only ever read the one pictured above, it has huge sentimental value.. And I enjoyed reading the introduction as written by Ms. Gail Cunningham of Kingston University.

Anyways, I'm not writing a review, nor am I proffessing my love of this book at the moment.. It's the quote I wrote above..

The exact moment Lizzie utters this is after she reads a letter from Darcy, explaining away misunderstandings between the two which were outed during his confession of love. Lizzie then realized that she judged people just as unfairly as others, even despite her pride that she was level headed and critical.

I don't know how many times that quote has saved me from making an idiot of myself. Everytime I remember it, I slap myself internally and force myself to listen carefully, observe and think things over before making a decision.

And I thought I'd share it.

I have many, many things stuck inside my head in the form of quotes from books. I figure I may as well write them down. :D

Messes Cranky Pants

I have found that I'm getting consistently intolerant of other people's inadequacies (while conveniently forgetting my own pile of idiotic stunts, pulled daily - on the hour, every hour.). I should socialize more often and rid myself of this annoying sneer, lest I become that person.

You know that person - everyone knows one. He who sneers at others, and finds himself perfect and without fault. One who demands apologies but never seems to be able to say one properly himself. You know, the person who says he strives for truths while only giving half truths, and regards compassion and tact with contempt.

Oh they probably can mask their snobby outlook and stick on a mask, masquerading as a perfectly good friend - as long as: 1. You don't hang out with them much, 2. You only meet them in a group setting, and/or 3. You keep things at a distance. Because God forbid you get close and find out they like to burn their friends in little bursts, to test their 'loyalty'.

*le sigh*

Yes I suppose I'm talking about one person in particular.

Anyway, this isn't about him (for once), this is about me and my inability to socialize properly these days. I find I'm getting more and more intolerant and impatient of people I deem 'overly and unnecessarily emotional', both in facing people and in their outlook of life. I just find them tiring, and I get tired so easily these days.

Not to say I regard those with a zest for life with contempt - au contraire. I love talking with passionate people, their fire inspires me to get off my butt and do something. I love shooting off with people who laugh like there's no one else in the room, and cry genuine tears (as opposed to those fake crocodile ones we all so despise). I love, love passionate people who have something to be passionate about.

I just have no patience for those who find drama in everything they do, and aren't thankful for the things they have - they annoy me to no end. Especially those who proudly broadcast to the world how shitty their good life is.

And I'm so sorely tempted to delete them from my facebook.
(Except I live by my own weird code of ethics I work by, one of which states: 'thou shalt not leave without saying why'. Aka, if I want them off my facebook, I should really tell them first. And I really don't want to deal witht he fuss they will kick off. So I'll leave them be and ignore their posts xD)

Anyway.

In a roundabout way, I'm saying I should get out of my comfort zone of deliciously wonderful friends, and dive into a more diverse world. I have to get used to dealing with people again, so that I don't find myself growling everytime someone offends my "delicate" sensibilities.

This whole socializing thing is such a whole lot of work..!