Apathy vs. .. Whatever it is I'm feeling at the moment.

I'm at a strange point in my life where I feel that most of everything I think should be kept private. Half because I know nothing of the world, and half because - whatever I say will only add fuel to the fire (I see lots of clashing opinions around me, lately. - That's what happens when you surround yourself with opinionated people.)

I wouldn't say I'm being apathetic, I'm just.. careful.

I realize I spew a lot of bs, a lot of the times. But as long as they're confined to voicing my own personal thoughts (on ice cream, books, and other such trivial matters) and/or to how I view myself.. Then I figure I'm not pissing people off.

And maybe that's partly because I hate seeing people get riled up. Especially my elders. They have heart problems. (Haha..!)

But yes.. I'm not detaching myself from the world, I'm feeling joy and sadness and pain and (lots of) anger, but unless it's about trivial matters, I just don't see the point of being mouthy. One day maybe.. When I'm in a position to make a change. But for now.. As a student (who should have graduated ages ago), who is barely legal (I still consider 23 as barely legal, yes.), and as a person who still has much to learn from the world.. I'm going to try to keep my cool and keep my bs to a minimum.

...

Talking of graduation.. I really should do that. Soon. I need a job. There's been an onslaught of books I want lately. The list just keeps getting longer. *sigh*

Speaking in riddles.

No. I'm no good at riddles.

Basically.. I'm just going to say one word over and over again..

Want.

Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want. Want.

Those sketches I liked so much..

Tiny images, yes. But they can be viewed over at my deviantArt page. It warrants viewing, as the second one has a poem attached. Ahaaa :D

I did say I'm not exactly the most talented person out there when it comes to actually drawing something, but I do quite like my own stuff. *grin*

Pumped up!

Once upon a time, I was really envious of my super artsy MUMandDADandBROTHER, who all seemed to be able to wield a paintbrush like whoa.

I was of course shit at art.

Or so I thought.

I'm no expert, but I'm damned pleased of the stuff I have. They're always sketchy, because I have no patience. They're always vague, because I have no patience. And I always have at least 5 copies of whatever it is I'm working on, shredded and haphazardly thrown in the bin, because strangely enough (for someone who really does have little to no patience).. I'm a perfectionist. I hatehatehate smudges.

And when you work best with ballpoint pens, pastels and chalks - well. Sucks to be you (or more precisely.. me)

It's been a while since I touched the stuff, and that's probably because I have really really awesome friends who are so much better at the arts than me. But I pick it up again every few months before letting it lie dormant again for some time.

ANYWAY.

What I'm trying to say is : I'm gonna try to fire up my scanner *soon* so I can post some of my sketches up. 'Cause really - why should my photos get all the glory??

On writing..

I was such a productive little shit when I was 15. I hate myself. Seriously. Looking back, I'm disgusted at how much time I could spend writing. Hours upon hours upon hours of writing and editing.

Yes, this is 23 year old me, being jealous of the 15 year old I used to be.

I had a discussion with my best friend a while back.. We both feel like we're really shit at writing fiction now. Around 2001/2002, we were seriously addicted at writing. And it wasn't all shit either. There are some stuff I wrote back then that I'm still quite proud of. Not necessarily brilliant, but so much better than my stuff now.

I think.. I think that I should probably have stuck by NaNoWriMo (which to be honest, really isn't possible right now).

I have pages upon pages upon pages of excerpts. Just bits and bobs that I worked on years ago. A sentence or two that I can probably expand into a longer piece.. Just a ton of un-edited words piled up in my room. Remnants on when my brain didn't over analyze the words which spewed out of me.

And one of these days.. Soon.. I'm going to take 30 days and I'm going to do my own NaNoWriMo. Because I need to have fun again.

Frankly, over thinking sucks.

Huh.

Dengeki Daisy by Motomi Kyousuke

The above is a panel from a silly manga I've recently gotten into.

So.. What does it tell you that I tend to *still* talk about those topics when I'm still hanging out with my friends? Ahahaha!

Love and sex still mystifies us and is always a good subject for giggles, scary stories usually end up with me cowering in my blankets (I'm a big baby. I get scared easily!) and "boundaries to the universe" questions are fun. And if Jo is around, they'll turn into heated debates before tapering of into ridiculous 'what if' scenarios involving snot and puke, or if she's being particularly creative - both.

Ah such is life.

I have no problems with admitting how immature and juvenile I am. *big grin*

Bleurgh.

Argh. NaNoWriMo fail!

Mostly because I'm a bum. But there's a couple of other things in the way as well.. But they're all excuses and like Twinno says 'excuses are lame and mean nothing when it comes to looking at the bigger picture'.. So yes. But I'm still going to continue the stuff I'm working on, I can probably revamp it into a shorter story. And so.. Yes.

Excuses. Pffthz.

Russell Howard DVD : Dingledodies tour

Russell's new DVD is out. And the verdict? He doesn't disappoint.

Which is of course a huge understatement. I tried my hardest not to giggle too loudly as it is currently 2.30 am, and I've literally just finished the hour long DVD. I was literally shaking with laughter and I banged my head against the desk several times.

Excerpt:


The clip doesn't do the set justice to be honest, it's too short and taken out of the longer routine which had me in stitches. Of course, since it is meant to be a preview - well. See if you can find the DVD.

He's ever playful in his delivery, jumping from one part of the stage to the next and will repeatedly (and unashamedly) start shagging the air.. It all helps deliver the underlying message of his set - which is that life should be lived and enjoyed. And just about everyone gets to be the subject of his glee, from his audience - a man who came in late, a girl that asked to shag him, to mention a few. To his family and friends, who sound deliciously demented.

It's always a joy, Mr. Howard.

I only wish I would one day get a chance to see him live. ^___^

NB.
I don't know why it never occurred to me before to search out childhood terms I pretended to understand as a kid.. Anyway, Russell mentioned once the term 'Mars bar party' and the light switched on and I went "Oooohh.. is that what it was?" - 12 years since the first time I heard of it.

So Matt, Jon and Huw - HAHAHA! I know what it means now!.. Also - EWWW!

Though I'm 4 days late..

I've decided something.

NaNoWriMo is a go!

Here's to a month of coffee and late night scribblins..es. Damn you, Calvin!!!